eessac:

as many of you now know my darling boyfriend passed away from a tragic accident just a couple of days ago.
that was my whole world, we literally did everything together.
one was rarely ever without the other, is what comes to many people’s minds when they thought of us.
i’m shattered and still can’t fathom that my baby is gone.
we had prerecorded footage that i hadn’t edited to be sold yet and i can’t even look at it, i just can’t-
hearing his lovely voice and seeing that adorable smile grace his lips is just too gut wrenching for me at this time.
we were going through so many fucking tough times,
-a creep for a landlord who made me feel so violated and unsafe in my own home
 -we were scammed out of money for a place we were supposed to move into right after the messed up landlord situation
things were finally coming together after all of that, sadly yesterday was supposed to be the day we were going to finally get a house that we had been looking at for so long.
it was a house literally 15 minutes away from the job he JUST got hired at. 
he would’ve started tomorrow.
but now he’s gone and my heart feels like it’s fucking bleeding.
if you want to know how to support me during this time:
-any and all messages i receive mean so much to me, don’t think that just because i hadn’t responded your message meant any less to me.
i’m so fucking thankful for all of you bbys that cared about my handsome, thank you.
-you can buy my porn if you’re 18+
-you can buy my premium snapchat if you’re 18+
-tip any amount you’d like or support my work here
-donate directly here
i’m trying really hard to get back into working, but i need help.
he was my main support system, my actual best friend.
now all i’m left with his bags of his and my clothes, a suitcase and a box of miscellaneous items between the two of us.
i literally have the shoes he was wearing when he passed.
his absolute favorite pair.
(my sweet, sweet boy how i miss you.)
if you wanna send me hate for asking for help, be my guest.
you’re offended that i’m still asking for help? stay offended.
one of the many things my bean taught me is that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. 
he gave me the confidence i have right now to keep going.
i can feel him everywhere.
i’ll see you in the afterlife baby bean.
when i’m old and wrinkly, once we meet again you have full permission to pinch my cheeks.
i won’t get mad, i’ll be too busy kissing you instead.
i’ll love you forever Erik William Hoxie.
thank you for the gift of loving me too.