If I’m being honest I am a selfish ass bitch like I’ve literally become such a green eyed monster and I don’t know why. I really need to distance myself from my lover and from instagram. It’s really uncomfortable for me to feel the way I do about knowing what kinds of pictures he likes. The kinds of pictures he takes time to click on and actually like and how he is into brown girls and how as a brown girl that makes me uncomfortable even if he’s brown himself. I hate how he’s liked lingerie pictures in the past and it’s so irritating having to learn about him sexualizing those photos and it’s just so unhealthy for me with how I’ve internalized the entire thing. This idea that he wouldn’t like half the photos he does if I was beside him looking at his phone is also another dimension to this. And the fact he has to make conscious efforts to not like those photos is also another thing. And then how he’s always liking other brown girl photos like I legit don’t see him liking other things sometimes and I’m just like bruh. I guess it kind of goes back to my deep fear of being inadequate and having people be with me bc I’m easy/naive/gullible and not really wanting to be with me for me. Or because of an idea of me me. I constantly need reassurance and I thought I was past that point in my life. I’m constantly worried and concerned about my role and position in the relationship. What do I mean to you? Am I not enough? These kinds of questions can of course be linked the patriarchy and it’s role in my inevitable demise and it’s role in how I feel about my body in the context of my relationships.